The Madness That Keeps Me Sane

“'But I don’t want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.'Oh, you can’t help that,' said the Cat. 'We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.

''How do you know I’m mad?' said Alice.

'You must be,” said the Cat. 'or you wouldn’t have come here.'”

...............Lewis Carroll

“And Something's odd - within -That person that I was - And this One - do not feel the same - Could it be Madness - this?"...............Emily Dickenson
A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free." ...............Nikos Kazantzakis

It isn't one madness -- or is it? To start a theatre company and school when one has only $250 to one's name, three kids to support, a mortgage....surely madness. We made it through five remarkable years, training many actors in their craft; bringing good theatre to the burbs. Holding yard sales several times a year to meet my personal bills. Moving to Boston brought some difficult and terrifying personal loss. It also brought a challenge I met with acumen I didn't know I had and chutzpah that surprised me and opportunity I long to have again. I took on the Children's Theater which was at 40 percent attendance, no artistic direction, and floundering badly. When I left five years later, it was at 95 percent attendance, a budget five times more than when I'd arrived, receiving reviews from professional critics, and turning out young actors -- strong young people who could take on any world. This was my madness. My passion. It sometimes still is.

But I'm not writing here about theatre. I'm talking about passion. With some regret that I didn't continue to have the courage to pursue it. I drove once to Youngstown Ohio (of all places!) to direct Neil Simon's RUMORS (really!) at the Playhouse. A community theatre. I was there for five weeks having a remarkable time. Talented actors and staff. My days off; rehearsing at night; creating a terrific show. I had to have been mad. Youngstown Ohio? Fabulous.

We all have our own madness. We would be unplugged without. There would be no current running through us to light us up and electrify people we encountered. My oldest son pursued his passion to California where he still lives his dream. My actor son kept on keeping on for 20 years paying more than his share of dues to work in theatre. It is his life blood. No matter how difficult the journey, it is everything.

I am passionate about many things. Especially people. Not all people -- I'm not that much a humanist or that mad. My kids; nuts about them. My grandkids. Little Keira -- (Jamie says I'm in love with her; why not?) My extended family. Actors I work with. Writers I've never met. Places. A courtyard in Monterey. The Brooklyn Bridge. The Marginal Way. Venice. Make your own list.

I'm not sure what brought this on. Maybe because I just closed a production of Noel Coward's HAY FEVER, and realized how much of me I left there. Maybe because Jamie was in town with SPAMALOT and we had some great talks. Maybe because Alex called the other day and we chatted as though no time had gone by. And it's almost the winter solstice and like many people, I get disgustingly nostalgic. Maybe because I've come to know that what I'm most passionate about is life and all that's good in it.

Happy Thanksgiving.